5 Consequences of Not Having Boundaries (E49)
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Do you ever find yourself constantly doing things for others, even when it's at the expense of your own needs and desires? Do you feel like people take advantage of your kindness, and that saying no is nearly impossible? If you do, you might be struggling with setting boundaries.
What are boundaries
Boundaries are like invisible lines that define what is acceptable and what's not in your interactions with others. Think of them as personal rules for how people should treat you.
What happens if you don’t have boundaries
Not having healthy boundaries can lead to various problems in your life, and here's why:
Drama in Relationships: When you lack boundaries, you become a magnet for controlling, manipulative, or needy individuals. You might notice that your relationships are often filled with drama and challenges because you're constantly accommodating others at your own expense.
Difficulty Making Decisions: Without boundaries, you spend so much time fulfilling other people's needs that making decisions for yourself becomes challenging. You're not used to prioritizing your own desires.
Guilt and Anxiety: People-pleasers with no boundaries tend to feel guilty whenever they think they've disappointed someone. This can lead to anxiety and discomfort.
Feeling Like a Victim: Without boundaries, it's hard to define how people should treat you. Consequently, you might often feel disrespected, unappreciated, and used, leaving you with a constant sense of victimhood. This is especially bad in sobriety because it can lead to resentments.
Passive Aggressiveness: When you don't assert your boundaries, you might find yourself making passive-aggressive comments as a way to express your frustrations. Instead of communicating directly, you let your feelings build up until they burst out in unproductive ways.
Why do we struggle to set boundaries?
The root of these boundary issues often stems from a history of fear and feelings of worthlessness. People who grew up in environments with no boundaries may have adopted these behaviors as a defense mechanism. They believed that by being accommodating and not setting boundaries, they could protect themselves from harm or rejection.
Establishing boundaries is an essential step towards healthier relationships and self-respect. It's about recognizing your own needs and limits and communicating them clearly to others. It might be uncomfortable at first, but remember that emotionally healthy people are attracted to those with strong boundaries.
For example, if someone pressures you to drink alcohol and it makes you uncomfortable, firmly state your boundary: "I don't want to discuss this, and I won't be drinking tonight." No explanations needed.
Learn more about boundaries and how to set them in episode 49:
